Heartbreak
by icecream-ox
Summary: IchiRuki drabble, Ichigo and Rukia have an argument, Rukia think that she's broken his heart ...
1. Heartbreak

**Title:Heartbreak**

**Author's Notes: THIS IS MY FIRST ATTEMPT AT WRITING A FANFIC so sorry if it's not so good. Constructive c****riticism are welcome. I might write one with ichigo's feelings if enough people want it. If that happens this may turn into a series of IchiRuki drabbles. **

**Disclaimer: Bleach is all Tite Kubo's idea, so i don't own Ichigo or Rukia**

_When you heart breaks for the first time_

_And your world crashes around you._

_When you seem to have lost your way_

_And you hurt those you didn't mean to._

_When you just can't get yourself to apologize_

_And you know it's really all your fault._

_When you fear that you've betrayed them_

_And they won't ever accept you back._

_When you can't bring yourself to look up to their eyes_

_And you don't know what to say._

_When you finally look up and see all the pain within them_

_And you know you've crossed that line._

She stares at his shivering back through the crack between the sliding doors, knowing very well that she has hurt him. She grips her ebony hair between her fingers, closing her violet eyes tightly and resisting the urge to scream at her stupidity. She wishes she could take back her words, stupid things that had come flying out of her mouth, missiles like bullets that had stuck him in the heart. She hates herself for losing control.

The fight had been about something stupid and little – something not worth fussing over, something that had been blown way out of proportion. He had tried to explain something to her as she had thought that it was something completely different. She just couldn't accept that she was wrong. So, instead of just listening to him, she had insulted him and screamed in his shocked face, and slammed the cupboard door on him. He had just stood there, pain and hurt shining in his wide eyes, shaking slightly, staring at her as if he no longer knew her. She knew how he felt about her, and she knew that she eels the same, but she still could not prevent herself from losing control.

She was a failure. Someone who did not deserve to be loved. She had murdered the previous man she loved, and she does not know what she might do to this one.

She still can't bring herself to approach him and apologise – she knows that he will just look away and ignore her, the look of betrayal on his face. She's scared that she has lost her best friend, the man she loves, forever, over a stupid argument.

She hopes that it will all be ok again, but her heart gives her an uneasy feeling like it will never be the same again.


	2. Heartbreak II

**Title:** **Heartbreak II**

**Author's Notes: Thanks for the comments! Like Oliviax3 guessed, the argument partly involved his mother (i was planning a part 2 just incase). Hopefully, I'll find some time to write a part 3 - i'm kinda busy revising for English SATs ****cringe**

**Disclaimer: Bleach is all Tite Kubo's idea, so i don't own Ichigo or Rukia**

_Words fly at you like daggers,_

_But you are not able to shield yourself from them._

_They come too fast and catch you by surprise._

_All you can do is just watch on,_

_While they hit their mark._

_It's almost as if you don't know the one who speaks them,_

_Like they have betrayed you, and they are showing a part of them _

_That you have never seen before. _

He stands there, knowing that she is watching him from her cupboard. He doesn't want to turn around and meet her eyes, he doesn't want to hear her say that word, sorry. He hates that word – it reminds him of when his mother died, when he spent those many days wondering as if he was lost down by the river bank, repeating that very word over and over and over again. He had so desperately needed to be forgiven for killing her, but despite all of his efforts, he didn't see or hear her once. He had broken his promise to his dad that he would protect her forever.

As a lone tear slowly rolled down his face, he was glad for the fact that she couldn't see his face as his back was turned on her. He rarely showed his emotions – ever since his mother died …

He still can't believe that she said those things. He knows that she can be pretty feisty if she wants to be, but this time it was different to all of the other times. This time she insulted him more that she had to, and it was about something to which she had overreacted way more that usual. Sure, overreaction is her middle name (did she even have one?), but this time she crossed the invisible line – she mentioned something that she shouldn't have.

His mother.

"_You can't protect anyone! You just can't listen to what other people say 'cause you're too wrapped up in your own damned world to notice. Yeah, sure you saved me from being executed, but you can't exactly call it saving if the rescuee doesn't want to be! You failed to protect you mother from hollows, and you lived in denial for 6 or so years until I woke you up and showed you the truth – and you still think that you can save anyone you want to? Your mother's dead because you couldn't protect her." _

She has hit him deep, clawed open a nearly healed scar, letting fresh blood pour out of the wound. How could she? He thought she knew how difficult it was for him to talk about what had happened. He thought she knew that he had blamed himself for what had happened – and still does. But he had very nearly got over that now, with her help, but the hand that had been helping him up had been snatched away in a second, leaving him to crash down onto the ground once more.

Did she really want to die that badly? Had she really wanted to be executed, even after all of his efforts and all of the things that he and his friends had been through? Was her life really that bad and not worth living? Does she actually love him the way he thinks she does, or is that all a lie? Unanswered questions swirled around in his head, confusing him, upsetting him, as if taunting him and the emotion love.

He had only tried to stop her from smoking. She had seen some students behind the bike shed with the mysterious little sticks, and had very nearly tried one – until he intervened. All he had tried to so was to protect her from getting severely ill, how could she misunderstand that so badly? He couldn't just stand back and let the only girl he had ever loved from falling into the tight hold of the cigarette world.

Another tear slipped from his brown eyes. He felt used, betrayed even, and knew that it would take more than a sorry to mend the broken heart she had given him. And he knew that he would not love again for a very long time


	3. Heartbreak III Communications Failure

**Title: Heartbreak III - Communications Faliure**

**Author's Note: Thanks to all those who have reviewed the story so far - it makes me happy that people like my work! Yep, there will be a part 4 and maybe others afterwards, but it may take a while for me to upload them - ENGLISH SATS THIS WEEK tears hair out wish me luck **

**Disclaimer: Bleach is all Tite Kubo's idea, so i don't own Ichigo or Rukia**

_Communication is the key._

_If that fails,_

_Then so does love. _

A week had passed since the argument, and things had become increasingly awkward between the two. They no longer conversed, and only spoke to each other when absolutely necessary. Also, despite her greatest efforts, Rukia could not get him to look at her long enough for her to apologise. And on those rare occasions that he did look at her directly and met her eyes, a massive surge of pain and hurt rushed towards her, overwhelming her, making her feel guiltier that ever. Did her words really hit that deep?

Her footsteps ring out down the corridor – it's just before the last lesson of the school day, and the bell to signify the start of lessons had rung almost two minutes ago. Which meant that everyone else was in their classrooms, waiting patiently for the teacher to begin. But she wasn't with them. She was actually bunking off of class.

Well, she did have a pretty good excuse – she did have a lot of things on her mind, with the argument and all that. She needed some time alone without Orihime and Tasuki and the other girls now considered to be her 'friends' asking her what the matter was every time she drifted off into her quiet seclusion in the safety of her mind. Without the urge to glance at Ichigo to see if he was watching her, to see if she could catch his gaze long enough to apologize for her words.

So she heads for the girl's toilets, where she would hopefully not be found. Once she is inside, she enters one of the cubicles, sitting on top of the closed lid of the toilet, and begins to think.

She still can't believe that she let those words slip out of her mouth – she was losing control. But how was she to know that those harmless looking sticks that those kids had set fire to could make you so ill? She had only properly found out what 'cigarettes' were the day after the argument, when she had questioned her friends about it – and the shock and disgust which had been clearly shown on their faces when they heard that she going to _try_ one of them had shown her how mild Ichigo had taken it.

But she just couldn't gather up the guts to tell him the real reason why she lost control. These days, he protected her for almost everything – she didn't want it to become a habit, and then one day, he tries to protect her from something way out of his league. She doesn't know what will happen to her if she loses another loved one, only that she will be so shattered and will lose the will to live again. She didn't want to have him die because of her …..

Her eyelids started to droop, and soon she had fallen asleep.

_Darkness all around. No light – I can't see anything. No, wait – something's coming this way. There's a silhouette – I can see it. It's becoming clearer. It looks familiar – is it of someone that I know? It looks like … Ichigo? What's he doing here? He's looking at the floor; it looks like he doesn't even know I'm here. He's stopped walking toward me; he's just stopped, so suddenly. And then he looks up and meets my gaze. His eyes are the same chocolate brown as usual, but there's something different, something that I haven't seen before. His eyes are all puffy and red, like he's been crying – a lot. Is it because of me? Of what I said? Does he hate me for it? Suddenly, I'm falling, back into darkness, and my screams echo back at me from every angle. _

The bell wakes Rukia from her nightmare, making her jump. She shivers – she's covered in a clod sweat, a reminder of the dream. The dream has affected her, more than she'd like to think it has. It's like it was a warning – if she doesn't apologize soon, she'll lose Ichigo forever.


	4. Heartbreak IV Rain

**Title: Heartbreak IV – Rain**

**Author's Note: SORRY FOR NOT UPLOADING FOR SUCH A LONG TIME! exams have been killing me but at last i find some time to post this chapter. Thanks to all those who have commented so far, also Vigilluminatus who gave me the idea of chucking in a bit of Holow Ichigo, even though it's only for a moment. To make up for the long time i took writing this, i'll try and upload the final part as soon as possible. Anyway, hope you like this chapter!**

**Disclaimer: Bleach is all Tite Kubo's idea, so i don't own Ichigo or Rukia **

_I stare up at the grey heavens_

_Depositing their weight onto my shoulders._

_Reminding me of the many tears I cry for the past._

_I remember what she used to say,_

_"Never stop looking for the rainbow."_

_I wonder where the hell my rainbow is now._

Ichigo couldn't care less. The rain batters him, soaking him to the bone, but he pays it no attention. He drags his feet through deep puddles, sending droplets flying into the air, mingling with the falling rain, but he turns a blind eye. He no longer cares.

His hands are in his pockets, his head hung low as if it carries too heavy a burden. His hair is soaked, and so are his clothes. His school books are probably ruined as well. By the time he gets home, he'll probably have caught a cold. He is already shivering. He could put up his umbrella, but he can't be bothered. He no longer cares.

The rain brings with it memories that he wish he could forget, but would never forgive himself if he does. Because these memories are what made him as he is now. Funny how all of his memories in the rain are all painful events in the past. There was that time when he was nine and his mother was killed by a hollow. Now there's a memory that would be with him forever – as if he would forget the day when his mother was ruthlessly murdered. He can still feel her warn body unnaturally still protecting him, even though she had already died, her blood soaking his clothes only to be washed away with the falling tears from the sky as if it was only yesterday.

He couldn't protect her the way that he wanted to, and he has taken away the core of his family. Because of him, both his sisters had to suffer the pain of losing their mother when they were only four. He had take away their childhood.

He continues walking, the rain continuing to batter him, desperately trying to wear him down. He almost gave in. Almost. If he doesn't find something to believe in soon, he will give in. He needs to find it soon. But he still doesn't care.

Every raindrop is like another worry, another burden to him. Why does it always seem to rain on him, like there is a m miniature rain cloud above him everywhere he goes? He hates the rain still, not only for his mother's death, but for making him feel useless, when he couldn't protect _her_. He remembers how he fought those two professional shinigami, thinking that he could do anything to get her back, only to be beaten and left to die. How she rejected him and forbade him to come after her, putting her life on the line to save him. Why is it that whenever he tries to protect someone, he ends up being the one protected? Is he really that weak?

_Hey, Master, you really are that weak aren't you? Letting that girlie upset you so much – you wouldn't think that you were one of the toughest shinigami around, would you now?_ The mocking words echo around his brain. All of his negative thoughts are letting someone unwelcome to him surface and place even more doubts into his head. He really doesn't not need this.

_Shut up._

_Ooh, Master, hit a delicate spot, didn't I? Let me at her, I'll kill her for you if you want. That would be fun wouldn't it, it'll teach her not to mess with me._

_I said SHUT UP! _Ichigo clutches his head in his hands, his feet coming to a standstill. He desperately tries to shut out the voice and shove it into a corner of his brain. After a few moments of struggle, he succeeds, and takes a few deep breaths.

He suddenly realises that the rain has stopped, and the sky is starting to brighten. He lifts his gaze from the damp pavement up to the grey sky to find that it is not so colourless after all.

A rainbow stands in the sky in all its glory, providing beauty after the dull greyness. From where he is standing, it looks like a stairway to heaven, a bridge across troubled waters. It brings happiness back to the world.

And most importantly, it reminds him that there is always a rainbow after the rain.

He hopes that there will be one for him.


	5. Heartbreak V Stargazing

**Title: Heartbreak V – Stargazing**

**Author's Note: this is the final part of Heartbreak. i've really enjoyed writing it, so i might do an epilogue or sequal if you'd like. anyway, hope you like the ending, and thanks to all of my reviewers for their encouragement! **

_Stars glitter like diamonds in the velvet sky,_

_Hundreds, Thousands, Millions,_

_I look up and wonder_

_What's it like up there_

_Where no rain falls?_

Ichigo climbed up onto the roof of his house, via his normal route and settled down comfortably into a cross legged position. Because of the rain earlier, the surface is damp with puddles all around him - but he doesn't care. Darkness envelopes him, the coldness swirling around his body, so cold his breath frosts up in front of him – but he isn't paying any attention to them. He was here for a different purpose.

He looks up to the sky above, the blanket of black broken by little bright lights known as stars. He remembers how his mother used to sit him outside at night when the skies were clear, and whisper secrets about them from beside him. He remembers felling so overwhelmed by them, and how he learned to appreciate them in a quiet respectful way.

"_Look, Ichigo, look up at the sky. See if you can find the star that shines brightest to you. Have you found it? The ones that shine brightest are the ones that will watch over you for eternity. Every one has different stars watching over them. One day, Mummy'll be up there too, shining brightly for you. But you can shine brightly for Mummy down here, and make me proud."_

He smiles at the memory, and scans the sky for his star. There, right above him, one star outshines them all, and his eyes are drawn to it. "Mum," he whispers.

He used to come up here all the time, but these days, he's too busy. Worry had washed over him, worry that she had disappeared because he had neglected her, but he knew he was foolish to doubt. He knows that she will always be there for him.

He sits there, and thinks of his life for a while in the hushed silence, the only noise that he can hear being his own shallow breathing. He thinks of everything, of school, of friends, and most of all, of Rukia. He thinks of their argument, of how much it hurt him, and how much it pains him to look into her guilt ridden eyes.

It is almost as if he is talking to his mother, the only one who could understand him fully, the one who knows him better that everyone else, the only one who would listen to his problems all night without disturbing him. And even though he knows that he won't get an answer, just sitting there looking up at the star, shining brightly for him, gives him a will to carry on living, and helps him make his mind up.

He sits there, so absorbed in his own thought tracks that he doesn't notice the second presence which has appeared on top of the roof, quietly watching him from behind, not wanting to break the silence. She is surprised at what she is seeing – she has never seen him this peaceful in all the time she has knows him, and never has she seen him smile so naturally that it makes her heart skip a beat. It is this makes her realize who he is thinking about.

She follows his gaze up to the heavens, and though she sees which direction he is looking, she can not see which star he is so captured by. Instead, she is distracted by a star, slightly further away, which shines brightly, as if leeching its fellow jewels of their light. At first, she wonders why Ichigo can't see it – it's so bright that it is like it outshines even the moon, but then she realises, he can't see her star, only his own. So she also lets herself become captured by her sparkling diamond. And for some reason, she has a feeling that she knows this presence, from way back in her childhood. It is something that she has just remembered now, and seems to have forgotten until this moment, but as soon as she senses the familiarity, she knows instantly who is looking over her. "_Hisana._"

It is this whisper that causes Ichigo to notice her on the roof. He is taken back for a second, wondering why she whispered her long lost sister's name, with a look of appreciation and love on her face – emotions that he thought were impossible for her to feel up until now. Then it hits him – she has found her star too. He smiles at this realisation, and waits for her to realise that he has noticed her.

After a few more minutes of silence between them, she blinks, and feels his eyes on her. She meets them, and finds him smiling at her. Relief floods her insides – he is no longer ignoring her, so she smiles back too.

"Ichigo, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you," the words she so badly wanted to say have been spoken at last. She watches his face for any changes in his expression, but all she sees are his eyes watching her intently. She waits for him to reply, and when none comes for a few moments, she is scared that he has rejected her apology.

But then he slightly nods his head, and then pats the ground beside him as if asking her to sit next to him. She walks over and sits the indicated space, then glances at his to find that he has already turned his attention back to the velvet sky. She lets her eyes wander back to her star, still where it was before.

Ichigo is content by her presence, and realizes that his heart no longer aches as it did earlier. And somewhere in his mind, something clicks, and instantly he knows that together they can pick up the broken fragments of his heart and piece them together again, even if the sharp edges repeatedly cut their fingers.

It will work. He will make sure it does.


	6. Epilogue Her Shooting Stars

**Title: Epilogue - Her Shooting Stars**

**Author's Note: Yes, i couldn't resist doing an epilogue. Thanks to Oliviax3 for her ideas, also all of my reviewers! Hope you all like the epilogue!**

**Disclaimer: bleach is not mine (unfortunatly)**

_Don't you know who you are,_

_You're my shooting star._

She clasps her hands tightly, face facing upwards, letting the wind gently teasing her ebony hair slightly away from her face. Her eyes are closed, and a small smile turns up the corner of her lips. The moonlight emitting from the silver sphere hung delicately above with the velvet night sky gives her skin a slight milky sheen to it, and to her, it feels like the night is singing it's secretes to her, one by one. She enjoys the simplicity of standing outside, somewhere high, so she can imagine touching the stars, and reaching the impossible.

She never used to look at the stars – she was simply too busy to stand still for a second and to appreciate the beauty of them. But now, she purposely finds time, gets all of her jobs done before night, so she can watch them sparkle in they're brilliance.

And the reason why she changed?

It's all because of two people she used to know.

Two people she was greatly influenced by.

Two people she had loved.

Two people who had loved her back for who she was, not what she was.

Two people who died in her arms.

It's because of them she pauses to look at the stars, without fail, every night before she sleeps.

"_Oi, Kuchiki, what'cha doin' out here on ya own?" A familiar voice rang out from behind her._

_She jumped. "Kaien-dono! What are you doing here at this time of night?" _

"_Uh, I was sent to look for ya. So, what exactly ARE ya doing here?"_

"_I was waiting for the fireworks."_

"_Oh yeah, I'd forgotten. Fireworks tonight. I was wonderin' why Ukitake Taicho sent me to find ya and take ya to the division garden, which looked quite crowded, mind you. But it's freezin' out here. How can ya just sit out here on the roof?"_

"_I don't mind the cold."_

"_Were ya looking at the stars?" _

"_No. I think that the stars are pretty pointless. There are too many of them."_

"_I think ya forgettin' that without the stars, the night sky would be much darker than it is. They brighten the place up, they do. And if you're lucky, one day, ya'll spot a shootin' star, just for you."_

"_Yes, Kaien-dono."_

"_Right, now Kuchiki, follow me to the damned garden." _

"_Yes, Kaien-dono." _

_The rain falls on her face, mixing with her salty tears, washing away the blood on her skin. Her hands clasp the body on her arms tightly, her eyes wide with shock from what has just happened. She can't believe it. _

"_Look for your shooting star…"_

_And she didn't. Not once. She forgot the words, shoved them deep into her past, not wanting to remember. She went so far that her grief nearly tipped her over. She regrets it, wishes that she did look up at the stars, and maybe she would have seen her shooting star, but she didn't, and she can't change that now. She owes it all to one person, the only person who was able to make her happy again._

_A human boy with bright orange hair, possibly the most unexpected person ever._

_But he had died as well. _

_He died, protecting her, accepting the price of death, just to save her from that blow. She remembers his last breaths, his last words, in her arms. _

"_Rukia … live well. Live for me, and… enjoy it. I'll be watching over you … from the sky."_

She sucks a breath sharply at the painful memories, and opens her eyes to scan the night sky. She sees many bright stars watching her, the stars entrusted upon her to look after her loved ones. They brighten up her path forward.

But _they_ are different.

Two shooting stars, darting across the sky, chasing each other through the darkness. They are both identical, though one is noticeably brighter than the other, the one with the orange tinge.

Seeing them, she smiles out of joy and the knowledge that they are still there for her, and will always be there, until the day she joins them.

They were her two shooting stars who had changed her past and made her into who she is now. They lead her the way to the future, creating paths with their light for her to follow.

She lives for both of them, as she is the survivor.

It's her duty to do so.


End file.
